whatchya readin'?

I have a suitcase and a swim suit. And now I am collecting reading material. Also, I might be taking suggestions. It just depends on what you suggest.

So...what's going in my suitcase?

dinner from a can...again

Monday morning we woke to snow. The man announced that he was not working another second in the snow this winter. He was staying home.

Awesome, I thought. I had a paper to write so he could be me for the day and I could be an unemployed writer. Which is exactly how I want things to be anyway so it seemed the perfect opportunity to make my dreams come true for the day.

Here are some snippets of a conversation we had throughout the day:

"Since you're home today, you can make dinner for the kids," I half suggested and half announced.

"No problem," he replied.

He proceeded to be in and out for the day, working in the garage, running errands so I didn't have to, disappearing, reappearing and disappearing again. At 3:45 I started to wonder what his plans were for dinner but I didn't care enough to wonder out loud.

At one point he said to me, "You know that stuff you made yesterday for dinner and then put the leftovers in the freezer?"

"Yes..." I said.

"Can we just have that?"

"I suppose. But then you aren't really making dinner, are you?"

He disappeared again. Eventually he showed up with an arm full of Chunky Soup cans. A variety even. I love his creativity. When I peered at him and smirked he said...

"I am not in the mood to cook."

And I thought to myself, wow! he really is me today.

a little of this, a little of that...

A little of this...

Holden and Amelia were having a conversation about her new book. She claims it will be the best book she ever wrote. He needed to read it. She needed to help him. A conversation ensued.

Holden, who is 10, "Amelia, what does this say?"

Amelia, who is 7, "It says Cancun."

Pause while a confused look finds itself on Holden's face.

"No, wait..." she reconsidered. "That says Chihuahua."

Those kids kill me.

And now a little of that....

Here is my newest post for Art a la Carte. It's called Impressions.

and the wieners are...

We pulled names. There are winners.

Or wieners, as I like to call them. If you are one of the wieners, Facebook me your address and I will get these prizes off to you!

Thanks for playing with me on my bloggy birthday!

i promise not to use the word 'vagina'

The quack in me loves the quacky things in life. Like acupuncture and Chinese herbs and essential oils. Are those quacky?

I guess it depends who you ask.

I recently came to own a little bottle of magic called Past Tense. It's a concoction of oils that you can roll onto your head when you have a headache.

And mercy, I have those.

This stuff is great, and this is actually a story I am telling, not an infomercial. Although I do think the stuff is great.

So anyway, the other day I had a doozy of a headache, I blame the weather change but this is not the point. My head was pounding. Throbbing. Hurting so much I was feeling the need to medicate with a bottle of Advil. But because I'm quacky I reached for the oily treasure first.

I rolled it onto my forehead. Then I rolled it along the back of my neck. Then...I rolled big round rolly rolls on my temples. It was like I was putting up wallpaper on the sides of my head. And then I sat down to do homework. My head bent forward.

Big mistake.

The oil rolled into my left eye and before I knew it I was running around shrieking. My left eyeball was on fire. I had oil all over my hands from trying to control the situation. My makeup was waterfalling down my face. I went into the bathroom and wet a cloth and put it to my eye.

The pain subsided, eventually. I stared at my messed up face and red eye in the mirror and it was determined, by me, that I had to pee.

So, I sat to pee. I unwound some toilet paper, rolled it into a ball and rested my head into it.

I am wondering yet if you know where this is going.

When I was done doing what I was doing I took my face out of my hands. The face that had the oil on it. The hands that were holding the toilet paper.

And I stood.

And wiped myself...




P.S. Don't forget to enter my birthday giveaway in the last post!!!

bloggy birthday giveaway!!

It's my bloggy birthday again next week. Seems to happen every year.

Huh?

I'm giving stuff away since I'm pretty certain no one is going to send me a gift.

No pressure intended.

All you have to do is leave a comment. If you end up following me, or already have -------> leave another comment. If you subscribe via email, or you already have then leave another comment. If you tweet it out leave another comment. If you tell your facebook friends then leave another comment. Make sure you tell me in your comments what awesomeness you did.

Get where this is going? We'll draw for winners next Monday.

Good luck and remember I love you!

Mwah!