once there was a standoff...

So the other day I noticed some police cars sitting in the parking lot of the church across the street from my house. I thought nothing of it.

And then I lost my voice and was overcome with a fatigue so complete I thought I was asleep when really I was awake.

And then I had to go to Ghost Dam and pick up the man and it was all I could do to not fold in on myself and scream 'uncle' to the sleep Gods.

Upon reentering my house I asked him to make food for the children, he inquired about all the police cars and now a fire truck and a giant motor home type police mobile unit thingy across the street. I responded, in a sexy and sultry yet slightly husky voice, with a flippant "I don't know, maybe it's a standoff," and then I dragged my sorry butt up to bed where I promptly succumbed to sleep even if it was only for one hour. You see, I can't even nap right.

Later, the man came up and said a friend had called and said he saw on the news that there was a standoff nearby.

Well, of course there was. And I knew exactly where it was since I had been watching it all day. Never mind the fact that as far as standoffs go this one was lackluster at best. So I came downstairs with my iPhone and decided to pay closer attention since I had verifiable proof that a standoff was in fact happening.

I decided to live tweet and facebook the event since I was pretty sure that in not doing so I would grow old and die with regret.

So I watched and I watched and I had a few thoughts:
- if this was in fact a serious standoff wouldn't the police seem a little more...I don't know, serious? Instead of all the "hanging out" they were doing?
- if this was a serious standoff, wouldn't the police ask the guy with the kid on the pink bike with training wheels to maybe take it elsewhere?
- if this was a serious standoff would they let people walk their dogs within distance of getting their heads blown off?
-wouldn't there be a swat team or something equally as cool?

After I started to doubt this alleged standoffs existence I decided to check the news. After all, isn't that what serious reporters do? They make broad announcements all over the interwebs and then check their facts? All the local news had ended so I had the man check online for some info. He read to me what he found and the info he read told me that either the news people had their location wrong or the standoff was in fact NOT at the church but close by and the church was the staging area.

Oh brother.

And then there was a super cranky, detail obsessed, anal retentive woman on twitter who was so hung up on my wrong details that she made sure I knew it every 2 seconds until I called twitter 'uncle' and begged her to relax. At which point she did, thank the heavens. Who has that kind of energy anyway?

So I called off the live tweeting because there was nothing going on from my vantage point. Which is a borderline tragedy. It isn't everyday you get to live tweet a standoff.

And then I reminisced about the time when I was a kid and one morning my mum told me that our neigbour two doors down had sniper shot his wife through her windshield as she was coming home the night before. He then hid out in his house until the swat team tear gassed him out after a standoff with police.

And I was perturbed because she let us sleep through that.

And now I wonder why the standoff Gods keep me away from all the excitement. Is there no justice?