jumping jacks are for chumps

At 7:15 this the morning, the children were eating Nutella on toast, whole wheat toast no less, because we're healthy like that. Holden is complaining of being too cold. He is tired and mad that he has to be up so blinkin' early during summer holidays. Whatever, kid. This is my week. I have lived for this week. You will go to camp and I will bask gloriously in your absence, we all have our burdens to bear.

Holden: I am freezing cold!!!

Me: Why don't you do some jumping jacks and warm up?

Stunned looks all around.

Amelia: Jumping jacks are for chumps.

ChitChat: I saw you doing jumping jacks yesterday.

Amelia, all sassy-like: No you didn't, you liar.

Me: Jack does jumping jacks every night at football practice.

Amelia: Jack is a chump.

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So the kids are in camp all week, I may have mentioned something to that effect. And if not, let me tell you. All my kids are gone all day every day this week. There are no words to explain what this feels like in my soul. As soon as I drop that last three off this weird sound escapes my body as I walk to the truck. It sounds a little something like,

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm sure it can be heard in all corners of the kingdom. 

I won't bother explaining to you how amazing and fantastic and super and amazing it is to not have to listen to bickering or x-box begging all day everyday. Or how much easier it is to run to the store without kids tagging along. 

The only problem with weeks like this is that they go by so quickly. Sad face.

Two more weeks until school starts. Two. More. Weeks. Oh glory day.

Can I have my Bad Mom plaque now, please? I already know where I'm going to hang it.

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Soooooooo, I'm probably watching Sharknado while I write this post. Maybe. Probably. Okay, no I'm not. I am totally not watching Sharknado as I type this.

Ian Ziering is the worst actor of all time. And his name is Fin in this movie. Funny, no? And totally brilliant. And Tara Reid? Need I say more?

Wait....I said I wasn't watching it. Yeah, let's stick with that. Way less embarrassing.

I do believe Pride and Prejudice is up next.

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”  Man, I love that movie.

Oh, hold up!!!! Ian Ziering just chainsawed his way out of a shark that ate him in one bite. And the bimbo was with him and now she is dead. Oh, wait, no she's not. Phew, what a relief, now they can live happily ever after. Ewww gross, Tara Reid just wiped shark guts off Ian's face and kissed him. And now the bimbo loves Ian's son??? Huh?

Okay, it's over. I will move on to something somewhat more productive now. 

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Amelia's hair has been in french braids for the last two days while she's been at swim camp. This morning we took them out and brushed out her long, golden, curly mane. 

Me: Your hair looks gorgeous, lovey.

Amelia, staring at herself in the mirror: I know, it looks amazing with my lips.

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G'day.