The difference between now and then is that then I knew nothing and now I know more, about me and about life. It seems ironic to me that the time in one's life when really important decisions are to be made just happens to be the same time that one knows nothing.
If I knew then what I know now I most definitely would have been a naturopath.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
go to bed
Because of some scheduling issues tonight and in an attempt to help people get to where they need to be and to also help me out with some carpooling, I have two extra children for a bit this evening. I am patiently waiting for the parents of two little boys to come get their children. It is 7:53 pm. So I have 5 kids who are still up watching a movie. Two of them aren't mine and two of three that are mine are approaching an hour past their bedtime. I just finished listening to my 7 year old ask his friend who is 8 what time he goes to bed. This is how the convo went:
mine: what time do you go to bed?
not mine: 8:30
mine: WHAT???!!!??? I have to go to bed at 7!
not mine: you go to bed at 7? Oh........
mine: my brother gets to stay up til 8, he's so lucky. And my sister gets to stay up til 9 but she has to go to her room at 8:30. Our teenager goes to bed when my mom does. I wonder why it is so different at your house.
YEAH! ME TOO!! Why the heck is it so different at everyone else's house? What time do these parents go to bed? Don't they need to sleep? When do they get up? Aren't they tired?
I. Am. So. Tired.
I go to bed at 10, unless I am out, which is hardly ever. I don't go to sleep at 10, I like to read. I probably should go to sleep at 9 because I AM SO TIRED.
I get up at 6:45, whether I like it or not. I absolutely NEED some quiet time in the evening. So the children have to go to bed early. It's simple. Or is it?
I don't get how the rest of the sleep deprived world works....... or functions, for that matter. Besides my sister, who has also adopted the brilliance of the early bedtime in her family, I feel all alone in the world on this. How can this be?
Early to bed, early to rise. Isn't that how it goes? If 8:30 is early for an 8 year old what on earth is 7? I just don't know anymore..... I'm so disillusioned.
People! PUT YOUR KIDS TO BED!! They're tired, they want to sleep.
Trust me - they do.
Post edit: I thought I'd let you know how my night turned out since everything happened sans schedule, which is opposite of how I like it. I got my kids to bed by 9. The older ones thought it was unfair because the younger ones got to stay up longer than they did. My response? "I don't care. Go to bed." So then I finally started to watch the shows I would have watched at 7:30 if my schedule had happened. I finished watching Biggest Loser (pvr'd) at 10:40 ish and was in bed at 11. Chatted with the man until he fell asleep, frustrated that I keep him up so late. My last clock check was 11:51. That's too late! Now I'm tired....again.
mine: what time do you go to bed?
not mine: 8:30
mine: WHAT???!!!??? I have to go to bed at 7!
not mine: you go to bed at 7? Oh........
mine: my brother gets to stay up til 8, he's so lucky. And my sister gets to stay up til 9 but she has to go to her room at 8:30. Our teenager goes to bed when my mom does. I wonder why it is so different at your house.
YEAH! ME TOO!! Why the heck is it so different at everyone else's house? What time do these parents go to bed? Don't they need to sleep? When do they get up? Aren't they tired?
I. Am. So. Tired.
I go to bed at 10, unless I am out, which is hardly ever. I don't go to sleep at 10, I like to read. I probably should go to sleep at 9 because I AM SO TIRED.
I get up at 6:45, whether I like it or not. I absolutely NEED some quiet time in the evening. So the children have to go to bed early. It's simple. Or is it?
I don't get how the rest of the sleep deprived world works....... or functions, for that matter. Besides my sister, who has also adopted the brilliance of the early bedtime in her family, I feel all alone in the world on this. How can this be?
Early to bed, early to rise. Isn't that how it goes? If 8:30 is early for an 8 year old what on earth is 7? I just don't know anymore..... I'm so disillusioned.
People! PUT YOUR KIDS TO BED!! They're tired, they want to sleep.
Trust me - they do.
Post edit: I thought I'd let you know how my night turned out since everything happened sans schedule, which is opposite of how I like it. I got my kids to bed by 9. The older ones thought it was unfair because the younger ones got to stay up longer than they did. My response? "I don't care. Go to bed." So then I finally started to watch the shows I would have watched at 7:30 if my schedule had happened. I finished watching Biggest Loser (pvr'd) at 10:40 ish and was in bed at 11. Chatted with the man until he fell asleep, frustrated that I keep him up so late. My last clock check was 11:51. That's too late! Now I'm tired....again.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
anxiety
In an effort to alleviate some of my anxiety I thought I would do the opposite of what I have been doing. Lately there has been an issue that has plagued my mind. It haunts me in my sleep, or lack thereof, and sends me racing to the toilet when Montezuma's revenge hits if I think too much about it. So I just don't think about it. I'm not entirely sure this is working for me.
I don't think about it, or try not to anyway because there is nothing I can do about it right now. Simple as that.
I am a planner though so not thinking about it at all eats me up inside. I have to plan, it's who I am. But how does one plan when there is nothing to plan at the current moment. This type of thinking drives the man NUTS! He's not a planner though so he simply does not understand. In order to keep his anxiety down I don't plan things with him until there is something to plan so he thinks I am not actually stressing about it, but I am. This does not contribute to marital bliss, that I can assure you. I'm occasionally unhappy with the man because I don't feel free to talk about what is bothering me and because he knows me so well he anticipates what may be bothering me and in an attempt to 'fix' it (like men love to do) he thinks about it on his own time which makes him upset with me. We are like night and day though so when we finally come together to make some plans they are ALWAYS different and then we have to discuss, negotiate, argue, cry (that's me) and then someone gets to compromise. He would say that is always him but because I am sitting in a house in Cochrane right now I can guarantee that it isn't always him.
So what is this life altering, stomach upsetting, sleep stealing issue?
Where am I going to live in September when the lease on this house runs out?
It is almost June. The reno is not done, although it is on it's way. I can't look at a house to buy until we sell the reno. Let's say (hopefully and hypothetically) the reno gets done by June 30 and we list it. Let's say (optimistically) that it sells in the first week or two it is listed. Then let's say the perfect house in Tuscany is for sale (which it actually is right now but most likely won't be in July) and I buy it and I can move in the last week in August. This dream list of events would be the perfect plan. A plan that would allow me to sleep at night, soundly, with no strange noises oozing from my stomach region.
What if the worst case scenario happens and the reno gets done but it doesn't sell. Well that's simple. We move into it.
This is the part I refuse to think about AT ALL. How will I feel if I have to move to Willow Park? And would I want to stay there? Or would I keep trying to sell? We can't foster there but the mortgage is cheap. I could walk to the mall but the ward is full of old people. My children would hate me but....... I've got no upside for that one. Would I ever see my sister again? Would my brother and his wife come to visit?
I know in my heart that I would not want to stay there so that would mean another move. It could be worse, much worse and I know that.
So the good news is: I feel better. At least I own a house and won't be homeless.
The reno has a sweet theatre and if I have to move there then I will go into that theatre and cry while I watch my favourite movies and try to NOT think about another move with 5 children who have to change schools every time I uproot their little bodies against their will.
Also, I must remind myself that I signed up for this but in all my wisdom and brilliance I threw in an 'out clause' when I agreed to the moving and renovating.
I am one smart planner.
I don't think about it, or try not to anyway because there is nothing I can do about it right now. Simple as that.
I am a planner though so not thinking about it at all eats me up inside. I have to plan, it's who I am. But how does one plan when there is nothing to plan at the current moment. This type of thinking drives the man NUTS! He's not a planner though so he simply does not understand. In order to keep his anxiety down I don't plan things with him until there is something to plan so he thinks I am not actually stressing about it, but I am. This does not contribute to marital bliss, that I can assure you. I'm occasionally unhappy with the man because I don't feel free to talk about what is bothering me and because he knows me so well he anticipates what may be bothering me and in an attempt to 'fix' it (like men love to do) he thinks about it on his own time which makes him upset with me. We are like night and day though so when we finally come together to make some plans they are ALWAYS different and then we have to discuss, negotiate, argue, cry (that's me) and then someone gets to compromise. He would say that is always him but because I am sitting in a house in Cochrane right now I can guarantee that it isn't always him.
So what is this life altering, stomach upsetting, sleep stealing issue?
Where am I going to live in September when the lease on this house runs out?
It is almost June. The reno is not done, although it is on it's way. I can't look at a house to buy until we sell the reno. Let's say (hopefully and hypothetically) the reno gets done by June 30 and we list it. Let's say (optimistically) that it sells in the first week or two it is listed. Then let's say the perfect house in Tuscany is for sale (which it actually is right now but most likely won't be in July) and I buy it and I can move in the last week in August. This dream list of events would be the perfect plan. A plan that would allow me to sleep at night, soundly, with no strange noises oozing from my stomach region.
What if the worst case scenario happens and the reno gets done but it doesn't sell. Well that's simple. We move into it.
This is the part I refuse to think about AT ALL. How will I feel if I have to move to Willow Park? And would I want to stay there? Or would I keep trying to sell? We can't foster there but the mortgage is cheap. I could walk to the mall but the ward is full of old people. My children would hate me but....... I've got no upside for that one. Would I ever see my sister again? Would my brother and his wife come to visit?
I know in my heart that I would not want to stay there so that would mean another move. It could be worse, much worse and I know that.
So the good news is: I feel better. At least I own a house and won't be homeless.
The reno has a sweet theatre and if I have to move there then I will go into that theatre and cry while I watch my favourite movies and try to NOT think about another move with 5 children who have to change schools every time I uproot their little bodies against their will.
Also, I must remind myself that I signed up for this but in all my wisdom and brilliance I threw in an 'out clause' when I agreed to the moving and renovating.
I am one smart planner.
Monday, May 17, 2010
sunday slack
Yesterday was Sunday. The man left early, as per usual, for his meetings. I got up and showered and bathed Amelia and hollered at the rest of them to get dressed for church, we had to leave a little bit early and the teens hate that. I wolfed down a banana and chugged a diet pepsi on the way. Bad, I know!
For some reason I sweat while I get ready for church, I think it's stress. I shower and do my makeup and blow dry my hair and then straighten it. Then I get dressed but by this point I am sweating. It's silly because I do this exact routine every day but on Sundays I sweat. By the time I get to church I have a few kinks in my hair I had just spent time ironing out and mostly this just irritates me. It's a very delicate procedure.
The children all feed themselves breakfast on Sunday and of course they all have to have different things. I ignore the state of the kitchen, as I do every Sunday morning, on my way out the door.
I love church, especially yesterday because I got to go to Relief Society and anyone who has spent time in Primary knows what I am talking about. We had a special meeting for the sisters so the Young Women filled in for us in the primary for the third hour. It was chaos. When I went in after to gather my children my oldest, Cicely (12), who had been helping came to me and said this, "Get me out of here! I hate primary SO MUCH!" I laughed so hard and felt her pain all at the same time.
Lunch was waffles. Half an hour of me standing at 2 waffle irons trying to keep up to the little mouths that are so famished on Sundays. Why are we all so hungry? Now, I'm tired. The night before the man and I went to see Iron Man 2 and we stayed up late.... too late. I am tired.
I leave the mess which has now joined the breakfast mess and plant my butt on the couch for the next EIGHT HOURS. It was pure bliss. I did get up on occasion to use the potty or to get a child something or to refill my drink which was often water but mostly not. I did make a nice supper while I watched AFV - that show kills me.
Then Survivor started at 6, which was a little surprise because I forgot it was the finale. You can just imagine my euphoria.
During a commercial break I threw two kids in bed and told them that because they got to stay up late (7:15) they wouldn't get a story tonight. I know, BAD! I'll read them two tomorrow..... no I won't.
At nine there was nothing on so I read my scriptures and then started a new book. I got tired and contemplated bed. Before I got up I said to the man "I would give anything to have 4 Sundays a week and totally miss Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday." He agreed.
Then I got up and looked at the kitchen.
I realized then that I NEED Monday............ to pick up the sunday slack.
For some reason I sweat while I get ready for church, I think it's stress. I shower and do my makeup and blow dry my hair and then straighten it. Then I get dressed but by this point I am sweating. It's silly because I do this exact routine every day but on Sundays I sweat. By the time I get to church I have a few kinks in my hair I had just spent time ironing out and mostly this just irritates me. It's a very delicate procedure.
The children all feed themselves breakfast on Sunday and of course they all have to have different things. I ignore the state of the kitchen, as I do every Sunday morning, on my way out the door.
I love church, especially yesterday because I got to go to Relief Society and anyone who has spent time in Primary knows what I am talking about. We had a special meeting for the sisters so the Young Women filled in for us in the primary for the third hour. It was chaos. When I went in after to gather my children my oldest, Cicely (12), who had been helping came to me and said this, "Get me out of here! I hate primary SO MUCH!" I laughed so hard and felt her pain all at the same time.
Lunch was waffles. Half an hour of me standing at 2 waffle irons trying to keep up to the little mouths that are so famished on Sundays. Why are we all so hungry? Now, I'm tired. The night before the man and I went to see Iron Man 2 and we stayed up late.... too late. I am tired.
I leave the mess which has now joined the breakfast mess and plant my butt on the couch for the next EIGHT HOURS. It was pure bliss. I did get up on occasion to use the potty or to get a child something or to refill my drink which was often water but mostly not. I did make a nice supper while I watched AFV - that show kills me.
Then Survivor started at 6, which was a little surprise because I forgot it was the finale. You can just imagine my euphoria.
During a commercial break I threw two kids in bed and told them that because they got to stay up late (7:15) they wouldn't get a story tonight. I know, BAD! I'll read them two tomorrow..... no I won't.
At nine there was nothing on so I read my scriptures and then started a new book. I got tired and contemplated bed. Before I got up I said to the man "I would give anything to have 4 Sundays a week and totally miss Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday." He agreed.
Then I got up and looked at the kitchen.
I realized then that I NEED Monday............ to pick up the sunday slack.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
silly greek chili
I went to a church function last night for the ladies. It was lovely and in the most beautiful location ever! We ate food, lots of food. Mormons know their food and the value of that food at functions. I took something healthy that I knew I could eat guilt free. Turns out everyone loved it. It is in the Eat, Shrink and Be Merry cookbook if you have it. If not here is the recipe:
Silly Greek Chili (pg. 185)
2 tsp olive oil
3 boneless skinless chicken breasts cut into 1 inch cubes
1 cup chopped red onions
1 cup diced zucchini
1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp each ground cumin and dried oregano
1 can (19 oz) diced tomatoes with sun-dried tomatoes (good luck finding this-I just use regular diced toms)
1 1/2 cups of favourite pasta sauce (I use Classico Spicy Red Pepper because it's SPICY-sort of)
1 cup canned chick peas (I use the whole can because we love chick peas)
1 tbsp brown sugar
freshly ground black pepper
minced fresh cilantro
feta
Heat olive oil in pan and cook the chicken until it is lightly browned but not entirely cooked. Add onions, zucchini and red pepper and garlic. Cook and stir until veggies begin to soften
Stir in chili powder, cumin and oregano. Cook 1 more minute. Add tomatoes with juice, pasta sauce, chick peas and brown sugar and pepper. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes.
The recipe says to add the cilantro and the feta but I prefer to let people add their own.
Enjoy!
P.S. Thanks Rhonda for putting me onto this recipe. It is a fave over here at the Dabels!
Silly Greek Chili (pg. 185)
2 tsp olive oil
3 boneless skinless chicken breasts cut into 1 inch cubes
1 cup chopped red onions
1 cup diced zucchini
1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp each ground cumin and dried oregano
1 can (19 oz) diced tomatoes with sun-dried tomatoes (good luck finding this-I just use regular diced toms)
1 1/2 cups of favourite pasta sauce (I use Classico Spicy Red Pepper because it's SPICY-sort of)
1 cup canned chick peas (I use the whole can because we love chick peas)
1 tbsp brown sugar
freshly ground black pepper
minced fresh cilantro
feta
Heat olive oil in pan and cook the chicken until it is lightly browned but not entirely cooked. Add onions, zucchini and red pepper and garlic. Cook and stir until veggies begin to soften
Stir in chili powder, cumin and oregano. Cook 1 more minute. Add tomatoes with juice, pasta sauce, chick peas and brown sugar and pepper. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes.
The recipe says to add the cilantro and the feta but I prefer to let people add their own.
Enjoy!
P.S. Thanks Rhonda for putting me onto this recipe. It is a fave over here at the Dabels!
Friday, May 14, 2010
simply sleep
I know you love to hear about my PMS but I love to talk about it so if you don't like it TURN AWAY.
Sometimes, when I have it, I don't sleep well. I fall asleep no problem but if I wake up at any point in the night I am done for. Anxiety kicks in and my mind moves a million miles an hour and everything seems so catastrophic in the middle of the night. I should keep a pen and paper by my bed so I can write down the ridiculous amount of drama that runs through my mind. Why is everything so exaggerated during the night? For the last 4 nights I haven't been sleeping more than 4 or 5 hours. Now for my dad this would be fine, for whatever reason he doesn't need as much sleep as most, or my brother Vance for that matter but whatever. For me.... it just doesn't work.
I get the worst headaches that nothing will touch except sleep but there is no sleep so I live with smashing headaches. I feel lethargic and just plain sick to my stomach.
Last night I felt desperate for sleep. The kind of desperate that new moms feel when they hear their babies squeak for the 37th time in the night. The kind of desperate that makes you think if someone crosses you they may lose their life. Hanging on by a thread kind of desperate.
So I took some Simply Sleep made by Tylenol. Did it work? Who knows. I'm still so out of it I can barely see straight. I took the little pills and waited. I probably shouldn't admit this but I kind of really like the moment when chemicals take over your body and leave you in a little world of chemically induced bliss. Since I'm not a drug addict this only happens on rare occasion when I pop some Advil LiquiGels or drink too much Diet Pepsi. I waited for the moment that the pills took over. I got bored and fell asleep......
So I guess they sort of worked because even though I did wake up 12 times I always went back to sleep. It was hard getting up with the kids for school and now I am sitting here in front of the computer with glazed eyes and drool on my shirt. I just can't shake the foggy grog.
Verdict: I don't care for the Simply Sleep.
P.S. Editing this was a true act of love and patience as my brain and fingers can't seem to coordinate. I should have posted the first draft.....it was in Greek.
Sometimes, when I have it, I don't sleep well. I fall asleep no problem but if I wake up at any point in the night I am done for. Anxiety kicks in and my mind moves a million miles an hour and everything seems so catastrophic in the middle of the night. I should keep a pen and paper by my bed so I can write down the ridiculous amount of drama that runs through my mind. Why is everything so exaggerated during the night? For the last 4 nights I haven't been sleeping more than 4 or 5 hours. Now for my dad this would be fine, for whatever reason he doesn't need as much sleep as most, or my brother Vance for that matter but whatever. For me.... it just doesn't work.
I get the worst headaches that nothing will touch except sleep but there is no sleep so I live with smashing headaches. I feel lethargic and just plain sick to my stomach.
Last night I felt desperate for sleep. The kind of desperate that new moms feel when they hear their babies squeak for the 37th time in the night. The kind of desperate that makes you think if someone crosses you they may lose their life. Hanging on by a thread kind of desperate.
So I took some Simply Sleep made by Tylenol. Did it work? Who knows. I'm still so out of it I can barely see straight. I took the little pills and waited. I probably shouldn't admit this but I kind of really like the moment when chemicals take over your body and leave you in a little world of chemically induced bliss. Since I'm not a drug addict this only happens on rare occasion when I pop some Advil LiquiGels or drink too much Diet Pepsi. I waited for the moment that the pills took over. I got bored and fell asleep......
So I guess they sort of worked because even though I did wake up 12 times I always went back to sleep. It was hard getting up with the kids for school and now I am sitting here in front of the computer with glazed eyes and drool on my shirt. I just can't shake the foggy grog.
Verdict: I don't care for the Simply Sleep.
P.S. Editing this was a true act of love and patience as my brain and fingers can't seem to coordinate. I should have posted the first draft.....it was in Greek.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
reno ramblings
The drywall has finally started this week at the little brown house. I am hopeful that things will flow a little smoother now that this poor beaten house is getting put back together. It's funny that all of the nightmarish things that have happened to us while we renovate we fully anticipated; but, this knowledge doesn't make the actual nightmare any easier to deal with.
I feel like we are living in a reality tv show.
The demo was fun, but it always is. Stuff gets bought, this is fun too, until the money runs out. Electrical turns out to be ten times more work than thought, typical. Adding a bathroom and moving a laundry room means moving plumbing, changing plumbing, upgrading plumbing. Which means wrecking more walls, pulling out more drywall, changing, changing, changing...... The roof starts to leak, also typical. But its tar and gravel, naturally, so try finding someone who REALLY does know anything about that. Then that person tells you it will cost gads of money to fix it, money we don't have. So the man fixes it, but that's what he's there for, right?
There is SO much to do and it feels like nothing is getting done. But it is.....
Now there is some drywall. Some drywall is better than no drywall. And this means that soon the kitchen will be built and the tile will be laid and the custom front door will be built as well as the custom railing and the old patio will get demo'd and the new one built and hopefully the legal issues with the hot tub will be resolved but probably not and then the deck around it can be built and the hardwood will be stripped and stained as well as added to the master and the fireplaces will be stoned and the baseboards and trim will get put in and the doors hung but they will be the solid doors and not the hollow doors and then the painting can begin. The painting........
And never mind the toll this takes on a marriage, but I will save that little treasure for another day.
Today is all about the drywall.
I feel like we are living in a reality tv show.
The demo was fun, but it always is. Stuff gets bought, this is fun too, until the money runs out. Electrical turns out to be ten times more work than thought, typical. Adding a bathroom and moving a laundry room means moving plumbing, changing plumbing, upgrading plumbing. Which means wrecking more walls, pulling out more drywall, changing, changing, changing...... The roof starts to leak, also typical. But its tar and gravel, naturally, so try finding someone who REALLY does know anything about that. Then that person tells you it will cost gads of money to fix it, money we don't have. So the man fixes it, but that's what he's there for, right?
There is SO much to do and it feels like nothing is getting done. But it is.....
Now there is some drywall. Some drywall is better than no drywall. And this means that soon the kitchen will be built and the tile will be laid and the custom front door will be built as well as the custom railing and the old patio will get demo'd and the new one built and hopefully the legal issues with the hot tub will be resolved but probably not and then the deck around it can be built and the hardwood will be stripped and stained as well as added to the master and the fireplaces will be stoned and the baseboards and trim will get put in and the doors hung but they will be the solid doors and not the hollow doors and then the painting can begin. The painting........
And never mind the toll this takes on a marriage, but I will save that little treasure for another day.
Today is all about the drywall.
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