updates on aggravation

First things first. Last night we had potato chips and pop with our dinner. And then we had Crave cupcakes. Wanna know why? Because the nightmare known as Willacy is officially over. We gave up possession and received our money. It is weird to have a burden end so abruptly. Just like that it was over. I still worry about it but don't fret, I will find something else to fill that void soon enough, I am sure.

Maybe I'll start to spend my time worrying about why the man is going through garbage at work.

Here is an update on the alleged "fajita cooker". First of all, I love that he called it a fajita cooker. For whatever reason it cracks me up. This is the culprit.......



And yes, I will agree that it undeniably looks like a fajita cooker. But....it is missing a lid, I assume it must have had a lid at some point, and the cord. So it is going back to where it came from. And soon I hope because the thing is filthy.

We would use something like this once a year and only because we had it. Hold up! We could totally have a Fajita Night. Once a year on say May 17th? A new tradition? Traditions are good. I am all for it but as far as I am concerned I won't be writing it on the calendar because we do not own a fajita cooker.

What we do own now, however, is this piece of........



The other night, the same night as the fajita cooker chat, I came home from being out and about and found that hideous chair sitting in my living room. My first thought was that the man pulled it out of the garbage, along with the glorious fajita cooker, and with full faith in my healing/furniture salvaging powers thought he'd bring it home for me to fix with all my extra love.

You see, I have lots of extra love.

When he finally showed his face I asked what in the hell that piece of crap was doing in my living room. Can you feel all the love? He laughed and said, "I got rid of the tv."



"Oh good. But explain the chair please." Said I.

"I got rid of the tv but they gave me that chair."

Okay, confused? Mmm hmm. Me too.

This is what happened. The youth in our church had an activity that night called Bigger Better, which is just all kinds of awesome, as long as they don't come to my house. But they did so now I recall all voiced opinions of awesomeness and I put full blown aggravation in its place.

The youth break up into groups and they start with something small. They visit all the church members homes in the hopes of exchanging what they have for something bigger and/or better. The man saw an opportunity to both get rid of the tv and to drive me just a little more crazy.

I had the stupid tv on kijiji to get rid of. For free. It works but no one wanted it. The man said he'd throw it out but it sat in the family room for a week. Aggravating. Now it's gone. Thank heavens. But what am I going to do with this chair? I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Every chance I get I take a hammer to it to release some of my pent up aggravation. Since it looks like youknowhat already I figure why not? The man said he would get it gone but it is still sitting where I put it last night to remind him to get it gone.



Right in front of the stairs. He's walked by it at least 5 times.

It's still there. And so is my pent up aggravation. One kick from me and that thing is halfway out the door.

You know what my mother used to say? And speaking of my mother I just realized today that she and I have the same countertops now. This explains why she has been on my mind a ton since I moved into this house. Every time I walk into the kitchen I think of her and I couldn't figure it out. Until today. I love my mum so it isn't so bad.

She used to say "If you want something done right you have to do it yourself."

She is a wise woman and because of her I am going to get the stupid chair out of here right now. Where will I put it?

The back lawn seems as good a place as any.

the fajita cooker

My husband just called me and said "I found a fajita cooker in the garbage and I'm going to bring it home for you to see what you think."

Now I sit here pondering an assortment of things. Things such as: is this what we've come to? Finding random small appliances in the garbage that we might want to cook food on and then eat?

Things like: we've been married for almost 17 years and we are so confident in our marital love that we might suggest to the other that we thought only of them when we pulled a fajita cooker out of a garbage bin on a work site.

I asked him how he knew it was a fajita cooker. I mean, have you ever heard of a fajita cooker? I am skeptical such a thing even exists. His response? "Well, it's pretty obvious."

It's pretty obvious it is a fajita cooker? How would he even know? Has he ever seen a fajita cooker? Not only did he find it in the garbage but he thinks we might want to cook fajitas on it and then consume them.

Like through our mouths.

And now I am flummoxed because who would throw out a perfectly good fajita cooker? Unless, of course, it is broken.

No one in their right mind would throw out something as convenient and easy to store as a fajita cooker. I'll bet you have one in your not overflowing cupboards right now.

Right?

Raise your hand of you own a fajita cooker!

So I asked him, "Why do you think it was in the garbage, hon? Don't you think maybe it's there because it is broken?"

His reply? "Well I'm sure I can fix it or get a new cord.....or something."

Naturally, I did not tell him not to bring it home because apparently we have come to this. The kind of people who fondle fajita cookers that were salvaged from the garbage. Plus, I need to know what a fajita cooker looks like. Maybe it looks like a panini press?

What are the odds of that?

I could google it but I think it would be more fun to sit here with bated breath and see what he brings through the door.

And before I tell him to take it back to the dumpster where he found it I will reconsider the alleged fajita cooker's worth since many many many years ago my brother in law Dave pulled an electric grill from the garbage and asked me if I wanted it and I said............

"Sure, why not?" I mean, it looked brand new and was in perfect condition and I trust my brother in law Dave. Plus the thing makes awesome skinny pancakes. Still. To this day.

One thing I do know is that, after 17 years of marriage, knowing the man like I do, if I said all of these things to him he would simply respond with, "Fajitas can be awesome too."

Such the frugal optimist he is.

for whom the gong tolls. part 3

Sometimes I feel as though my life is a series of bad jokes. I wrote about some specific incidences here and here. Sometimes I wander the streets aimlessly wondering why I have such bizarre luck. I say things like "Why me?" and "I'm just trying to be a good person. Why does everything have to be so complicated all the time?"

Ok, seriously, I do not wander the streets. That would be a poor use of time and I never use my time poorly.

But I do wonder why everything is so complicated all the time. However, I can wonder that anywhere. I don't need to take to the streets for that level of pondering.

But first, speaking of bad jokes. Yesterday I put up a facebook status that sparked some concern. You see, the man and I went to see our lawyer and sign some papers regarding the sale of our house. You know, totally normal stuff. She asked us which bank account we wanted the money from the sale deposited into. I gave her a void cheque for my own personal account. She asked the man if he was okay with that. I guess that was the responsible thing for a lawyer to do. I made a joke that I was going to take all those many many dollars and run away from home.

And then I thought about it for real. For 7 seconds. It isn't a ton of money but it really is enough to run away with, buy some muumuu's and maybe find a hovel to sleep in on the beach in Oahu.

Head shake. Reverie done. Over it. Whoosh. What an awesome daydream. Just kidding. The man is way too handsome for me to leave over a few dollars. Plus the lawyer said, "why leave and make him happy when you could stay and make him miserable?" This was, by far, the most sound advice I had ever received. As if I was going to run away now.

And plus, I am nothing if not the kind of person who derives pleasure from the making the people I live with the most miserable I possibly can.

After all, after I have picked up the man's dirty socks, again, or Jack's dirty underwear off the kitchen counter, again, or rescued the wee one's toys from the dog, again, I am convinced all the people I live with are doing that very thing to me.

Time to retaliate. No?

I received a couple of emails, in regards to my facebook status, from concerned citizens that I might be announcing my marital separation via a facebook status update.

Come on now, people. I am classier than that.

Aren't I?

So, after the visit with the lawyer, and a botched up facebook status, I went to Willacy, which was 2 minutes away, to get as much cleaning done as I possibly could before I had to go home and rescue the dog from her kennel.

I started vacuuming. It plugged up. I unplugged it. It plugged up again. I unplugged it. Again. It plugged up again. For the last time. For the life of me I could not shake the vacuum plugging culprit out. Let's not jump to any conclusions about the dust bunny level in my house. Or the fact that I was vacuuming things up I should not have been. Because that would lead one to the conclusion that my house was super disgusting. And that would be unkind. Correct, but unkind. Let's just assume the vacuum is old and not doing very well in it's later years.

Okay?

Okay.

Since, there was nothing left in the house that might aid me in my mission to unplug the vacuum I decided to move onto cleaning the fridge.

Gross job.

Things were going swimmingly. The freezer got clean, easy peasey. I pulled the fridge apart, started the scrub, cleaned drawers and doors and whatnot. I threw out onion skin and withered garlic. I was standing at the sink scrubbing the glass top from one of the drawers. I was holding it in one corner whilst scrubbing the goo off the sides of it when all of a sudden the entire thing was gone.

Vanished.

Like magic. Abracadabra. Disappeared. Gonzo. No longer in existence. It took a sec for me to realize what had happened. What that blast was in my face. Where the thing went to that I was just holding...... 2 seconds ago.

It was in about 3 million pieces. All over the sink (the one with the garburator), the floor, my feet, the counter.......

The tempered glass shattered and when I say shattered I mean there were now 3 million pieces of itty bitty glass all over the place.

Tempered glass so blasted temperamental. Geez louise. Settle down tempered glass.

And my vacuum didn't work, remember? So I called the man and asked for direct instruction as to what I was supposed to do in this situation. Because I was tired from being up at 4:30 with the stupid dog, my problem solving skills required some outside assistance.

He said, "leave it. I'll deal with it."

And that, my friends, is why a) I feel as though I should not have to clean Willacy, because it hates me and 2) I will not take the money and run. If I did, I'd have to clean up my own messes.



P.S. Today the phone rang. I went to answer it and it shocked me. Now the phone is toast. And also, the dog ate my laptop power cord. It never ends........

charleston chew

Sometimes I make the kids dance for their dinner. Yesterday it was a chocolate bar. I may be a bad mom.



The funniest part? When we got to 7-11 they didn't have any.

oh they flicker and they float

1. I sat down this morning thinking I should blog something but my brain is tired. Really pooped actually. And my back is still so sore. My bed is just bad for the healing of a sore back. I've been waking up a lot in the night due to aches and pains and it has left me groggy and lazy. My fingers fall asleep a lot during the night. I hope that is normal. I'm sure I have my arms kinked in some weird way but I don't know how you stop that while you're sleeping. Also, my right knee wakes me up in agony almost every night. Am I dreaming that? If I google it will I find out I have some terminal ailment that will kill me slowly over the next 37 years? Do I want to know?

2. I found this picture on my iPhone this morning. It made me laugh. But I was standing up so I peed a little.



3. The wee ones are on day 2 of their new school and this morning I dropped them off giddy with excitement. So that is a relief. And also awesome.

4. On that same note, the older two are still at home bugging me because their new school won't register them until their old school has released them. I know they are cool kids but come on! Release the hounds, wouldya?



5. This chandelier is hanging in the new house. Not sure why, this house is not that old. It certainly wasn't built in the era where anything that looks like this was cool. What is that era anyway? Ohhhh.....right, the 90's. Actually there are 2 of them. I think it's hideous but Amelia thinks its "absolutely beautiful, like in a princess castle." I love that kid and her inability to see the ugly.

6. Every time I walk through the living room and I see this chandelier a certain song pops in my head. It goes a little something like this....."Up above candles on air flicker. Oh they flicker and they float. And I'm up here holding on to all those chandeliers of hope......."

Name that song.

7. I love that song and so I do not mind that it runs through my head almost every second of every day.

Yet.....

8. The man has more work than he knows what to do with. He is working 13 hour days and I'm not in the mood for it. He needs to knock that crap off and come home especially because......

9. We don't have a microwave yet and eating cold supper is gross at 8:30 pm. Ask anyone.

10. We walked to church on Sunday and it was awesome.

11. I am not adjusting well to the lack of ice maker. I'm not drinking my usual 4 litres of water and I am oh so thirsty. The fridge is cold though and makes some really yummy ice cold Diet Pepsi's.

12. Are you feeling caught up yet?

13. So I guess I'll unpack some more boxes and then take the teens out to lunch since that sounds like a nice way to celebrate the endless unpacking of boxes.

Seriously.....every time I turn around there is another flipping box that needs to be unpacked. Where did they all come from? I think they are multiplying.

I think someone is feeding them after midnight.......

Great, now I want to go watch Gremlins.

a sad farewell

There are only two more nights in this house. I still can't believe this is almost over. At the risk of going on and on and on about it I feel as though I need to say a certain farewell.

Formally.

I know I have said over and over that I can not wait to be done with this house and all the evil it holds within. And this is true. Mostly. Mostly I can not wait to get out of here.

But.....

There is one thing that I am already lamenting the loss of. Every time I look at it I feel a sadness that I have to leave it behind. This morning we had a chat. It went a little something like this.

Me: You know, you have served me well over the last 20 months.

It:

Me: You have never let me down, not once and I am so very grateful.

It:

Me: I know you don't really understand what is happening here but I'm sure you've seen me working around you, packing things up, getting things out of the house.

It:

Me: I'm sorry I haven't come by sooner to say my good-bye. I didn't want you to be angry. I was avoiding this because I was afraid things would be awkward between us. I was wrong to make you wait. It's just two more days and then I will be gone forever. Please, try to forget me. Try to move on.........

It:

Me: I feel terrible about it. If I could take you with me I would, please know that. And I will love you 'til the minute I leave this place and replace you, one day. Maybe I should have kept that last part to myself. Anyway, again, I am so sorry I have to leave you here, in this God-forsaken place.

It:

Me: You're awfully quiet. I understand. You're confused because our love was so strong. Enduring. Eternal. And now I am abandoning you. Turning my back without a second thought. It's a tough pill to swallow. I get it. I'll give you some time.

It:

Me: Well.........okay then........

It'll be a sad day when I am no longer able to just press a button and get what I love the most. May 5th is the day. The day I will have to actually start making my own ice.

Again.

****************************

Flour update: As I was packing up the rest of the kitchen I found two partially used bags of cake/pastry flour and another bag of white flour. I think there may be need of an intervention. Or maybe I shouldn't be allowed to have big cavernous cupboards that swallow whole bags of flour.

Anyone want to come bake cakes with me?

on working hard

Here are my thoughts on working hard. On the physically busting-your-back kind of working hard. Working hard is good for the soul. It's like medicine for a broken spirit. A cure, of sorts. It's been a long time since I worked really hard. A couple of years. And the last time I worked this hard it was for a different reason, with the hope of a different outcome, with a different purpose. I felt good then too but I didn't want to be working that hard. It wasn't what I wanted because I knew it wasn't for me. I hoped it might have some positive impact on me personally but deep down I didn't have the faith to believe it would.

This time it is for me. It's for my future and my own healing. It's so I can move on from the last time I worked this hard.

The last few days I have been working hard. To the point where my bones cry, "No more!" They plead with me, "Please, for the love!"

The harder I work now means the less hard I have to work in a weeks time. Or, at least, I'll have more time to work hard doing other things. Like painting. Once again I will be painting an entire house. But people do that all the time so I guess it's no biggie.

When you work hard you go to bed spent. You sleep hard. You wake up rested but tired and then you work hard again because things need to be done. There are deadlines. The only way to meet them is to work hard.

I am having some serious physical reactions to the hard work. Endorphins, I guess.

It's all good.

Being an inherently lazy person, I could count on 2 hands how many times I have worked hard for an extended period of time. Like many hours a day for many days in a row. I'm not sure how much more I have left in me. It feels like lots, though, and to me that screams improvement. Progression. Moving on with anticipation for the future. I'm pretty sure it would be a whole lot easier if I was 50 pounds lighter but I'm not so........

Regardless, I have been working hard, and I am very tired. The outcome of all this hard work is a good one, lots of hope and lots to look forward to. I almost hope the hard work doesn't end anytime soon. In fact, when it's time to go on holidays this summer, I think it would be pretty nice if it was a break from some really hard work.

And not from being my usual lazy self. Youknowwhatimean?

So to hard work I raise my glass and say:

Thanks, hard work. You're a good thing. Let's make out.