have mercy on my soul

I have four children. They all have their good qualities, of course. They all have their less than endearing traits, naturally. They all contribute to my happiness and to my joy and to my purpose for living.

They also all have their own unique ability to drive me insane.

Insane.

Like right now, for example, someone is opening and slamming the back door repeatedly which I do believe, last time I checked, was number 6 on the "Fastest Way To Drive A Woman Crazy" list.

They are all loved and appreciated and wanted. Yes, even during summer holidays.

But there are times when that number 4......

Oh man, that number 4........

She may seal the deal for me. She may be the one to turn me to the darkside.

For 5 years I have loved her to death. I have cherished every single moment we've had together. When she arrived she released a dark heaviness that burdened me my entire pregnancy. She brought me a lightness, a peace, a knowingness that I had done the right thing in wanting her so deeply. She was needed and desired and her arrival solidified that. She brought with her a finality, a completeness, a fulfillment of dreams. She had been longed for and, with all the love I could give her, I showed her that.

For 5 years she's been my buddy, my sidekick, my one chance to focus so distinctly on one child and make an attempt to do everything right. I've been able to appreciate her because with her there were no other distractions. Just me and her, for so long.

This summer has proven that nothing good lasts forever. All good things come to an end......

Who is this child? She looks like my beloved child but she acts like a demon. She is loud. LOUD! She is bossy. And she is driving me out of my mind.

Insane, I say. Completely done for, out of my senses, nutso.

She whines, she demands things that are not rightfully hers. She is insistent and stubborn. She takes goofy to a whole new level. The level where you want to string yourself up or run away from home. The level where you ponder how something that little can have so much power.

She has singlehandedly resurrected the time out chair. The same chair we retired years ago because we thought it was no longer necessary.

Amelia, my lovey, where art thou?


Now she is 5 and a half. She is going into grade one in 27 days. Be still my heart and have mercy on my soul, she is leaving me.

September 1st is coming.

Only.... it isn't coming soon enough.