i dreamed a dream

Tonight I get to go see Les Mis with my mum, my daughter, my sister and my niece. Can you think of a better Christmas present than that? I can not.

Yes I can. I just want to say that there has been a lot of trauma in the near world over the past few weeks and every time I look at my 6 year old I am reminded of how fragile our state is. And the best Christmas present a mother could want is healthy, happy children that have been allowed to stay with her on this earth. I have that. And there are no words to express my gratitude.

But this is not why we're here. Every now and then I get all verklempt, but I'll focus. I promise.

Last night I had a dream. It is pretty par for the course of this sleep cycle I'm in right now. You see, it isn't a good sleep cycle. But it isn't anxiety related so again with all the gratitude. This sleep cycle usually involves lots of tossing and turning and general unsettlement. Apparently unsettlement is not a word but for Christmas I want it to be a word so let's just say it is.

Everyone okay with that?

Good. Moving on. When I am in this particular sleep cycle, which I'm sure has a name but I do not know what it is, I dream a lot. Really vivid, whacky dreams that leave me highly unsettled when I wake. I will now share one I had last night.

Last night I dreamt I wanted to throw a party. So I did. Except no one I knew would come so I invited strangers. (This is sort of like real life where I wanted to throw a New Year's Eve party but no one wanted to come so I cancelled it. Anyway, obviously my subconscious took issue with it.) So a bunch of young single strangers show up to my dream party and they bring the best food I've ever seen. So strange for a bunch of young singles, right? The party is pretty lame and Amelia, my beautiful living 6 year old, keeps pestering me for a piano lesson. (You see, in real life I am her piano teacher and she's had one lesson since September because I am the worst mom/daughter piano teacher on the planet.) In my dream I finally succumb to her incessant pleading and give her a piano lesson right in the the middle of the party. When we're done I turn to the group and everyone is gone. And it is only 8 pm.

Lame.

So I eat the leftovers and go to bed. In the morning I decided to NEED to workout. (Now, in real life this is something that is plaguing me. I have not worked out in months and I know I need to but there is some sort of block there that I can't seem to bust through and obviously my subconscious has caught on.)

So I try to find my elliptical and low and behold I see it in the middle of a concentration camp where young foreign children are being forced to march around in their school uniforms getting sprayed with water if they laugh at me.

I have no clue what my subconscious is doing with this. Let's not ask it. And in my dream my friend Shelley keeps following me around and refuses to get me water when I ask for it because I keep calling her Shelley after she's told me a million times she's changed her name to Katrina.

Geez Louise, cut me some slack dream Katrina, don't you see what I am dealing with here?

So I don't get to work out because I look at the clock and I am supposed to be showered and at school. As I am going inside to shower, after having busted through lines upon lines of soaking wet foreign children in uniform laughing at me, my mother comes around the corner to inform me that 3 young adults and a snake died at my lame party and she had the bodies removed so as to not upset me unnecessarily.

Um. Thanks?

And people wonder why I don't like to sleep...