early morning fretting and camping

This morning I was up at 5 am because I had to pee. Then I couldn't get back to sleep because I couldn't figure out the best way to patch and sand the wrecked walls from the stupid lacquer guy without making a big mess. Should I just sand them and then vacuum as best I can? Or should I have someone right there helping me by holding the vacuum as I sand in the hopes that most of the dust won't even hit the new carpet. Turns out I don't really care when the sun is up, only when I should be sleeping.

The other morning I was up at 5 because I was fretting about the kitchen sink. I bought it with the intention of making it under-mounted and so then I bought a cool faucet to go into the countertop. But then we decided that under-mounted was a bad idea with the type of counter we chose. So do I have to return the sink or the faucet? But the hole is already cut, and I really love the faucet. Turns out the faucet comes with a little thingie that makes it work any way I choose to use it and of course, when the sun came up I already knew that.

Last weekend I was up at 5 because I was afraid the carpet guy didn't lock the door and that he left all the lights on. I was contemplating a very early morning drive out to Willacy just to check on it. Turns out he did lock the doors and turn off the lights. Turns out when the sun is up I couldn't care less if the door was left open.

I've been getting up at 5 a lot lately and as it turns out the things that plague me in the night are ridiculous in the day and not worth a lot of thought. I am tired.

Last year, and the year before, and the year before that and the year before that.... okay I'll stop now, I was camping with my kids. I love camping with my kids. We pitch our tent. We set up the picnic table. We hang the rope for drying things. We find the garbage 'spot' and the bike 'spot' and the beach toy 'spot' and we settle in for as long as we can stand it. It's just me and them. Occasionally the man shows up and graces us with his presence but mostly he isn't there. I am gravely out numbered and sleep with a dagger under my pillow but once I get over the whole 'I am alone in the wilderness with 4 kids and if something happens to me they are really screwed' mindset we have a great time. People think I'm nuts but I think I'm brilliant.

We didn't go camping this summer. We didn't do anything fun. The man and I are too busy, too broke and too emotionally spent to make the kids' summer a happy summer. Never again. Next summer is planned and it is all fun and games and please feel free to shoot me if I agree to some absurd antic that makes next summer anything but totally awesome.

We reminisced a lot this week about summers past. Good times.





















Next year.................