resolute

The definition of resolute is this:

admirably purposeful, determined and unwavering.

I am not a resolute person. I am good at making goals. I am good at planning. I am good at recognizing things that are good for me and therefore bad as well.

I am not good at minding myself.

I make rules, I break rules. I change my mind. I alter my own plans. I justify, rationalize, excuse.

I am bad at the follow through.

I fly by the seat of my pants but my inherent nature does not allow for success within the parameters of this lifestyle.

I like the idea of new year's resolutions, I always have. I have never made any though because I am bad with the follow through, and I know it. A couple of years ago as a family we each gave something up for a year. We started in September and we had a farewell to the "things" we were giving up. I gave up donuts and fast food as did most everyone else except Holden, who at the time was about 5. He chose to forgo fast food and sugar cereal for a year. The night before 'day one' we ate Wendy's and Holden ate 5 different kinds of sugar cereal.

It went well. Except for the time we were visiting my parents towards the end of our year stint and my dad bought donuts. As Jack and I were eating ours we could not believe how good they tasted. Jack said "man, it's been forever since I had a donut."

There was a pause. Then a gasp. Then a throw down of the remainder of our donuts. We had forgotten.

Woops. That was one yummy donut......

In January of 2010 I decided to make a resolution. One that I could, if I tried real hard, stick to. I decided to give up buying books for a whole year. And I did, for the most part. No one thought I could do it and that just made me mad actually.

I did buy one book out of sheer rebellion. I didn't read it though (yet) so it totally doesn't count. Plus, I meant novels, I was giving up the buying of novels but I didn't clarify that in my contract so I can't prove anything.

Then there was the book that the man may or may not have been slightly coerced into buying for me. The book was no good though so it certainly has no right to be used against me.

I also bought my mom two books as gifts but this also doesn't count, even though I bought her books I wanted to read and knew she would give back to me when she was done. Does. Not. Count.

Regardless, I think I did pretty dang good for someone with a book buying problem.

Anyway, 2011 has brought some new ideas and opportunity for change. For example, the ability to buy books again which brings a level of joy that words can not express. And two, the need for some big changes in my personal life, specifically the minding of my own rules. I feel as though blogging about it will bring a level of accountability that is necessary to achieve my resolutions but I'm not ready for that yet. I have made three resolutions and I will share two with you right now.

One, to run a 10k in not only under an hour but faster than Cicely who has also resolved to run a 10k in under an hour. She doesn't know yet of my determination to cream her at the Melissa's but it's there. Oh, it's there.

Two, to improve my manners. I'm not going to get into the specifics of this for fear that the specifics may cause you to lose respect for me, if by some chance you may have some of that.

And three will be revealed when I work out the logistics of how I want to do it. And I find the courage to blog about it. I think I'll find the courage, I think I need to.

So.... here's to a better year than last. A year full of admirable purpose, determination and unwavering resolve.

Welcome to 2011 little blog and happy new year!