my life's ambitions. part 3

On November 6th, 1994, out of the blue, a stranger came up to me at church and, in front of a small gathering of friends, asked me on a date to see a movie the following Tuesday. I said yes.

I didn't even know his name.

We went on that date and 7 months later we were married. If you had been there, November of 1994, you would have seen all desire for post secondary education die as love for a stranger in snake skin cowboy boots and a leather jacket was born.

He became all I wanted.

I dropped out of university, got a job with those Young Offenders and prepared for marriage. Quickly.

Fast forward 17 years and four kids later. All the kids are in school. Their immediate physical needs being met elsewhere. I have found myself with time and in that time I have tried a lot of things. I have thought many thoughts. I have mentally wandered down many avenues. The only thing I have found at the end of every road is a desire, a yearning and a regret I have been too busy since the birth of my first child, 14 years ago, to have.

Like a secret I already knew but had forgotten.

I have a desire to learn. A yearning for something new, something different. And a regret I wasn't more focused when I had the opportunity to be focused.

When all the kids started going to school full time last September I figured I would take the ten months and just do what I wanted to do. Be me. Find myself again. Rediscover old hobbies and interests. And then I would get serious.

Whatever that meant.

What I have discovered is that none of those interests of yore appeal to me anymore. I have new interests and I'm developing new hobbies. I want to write write write. But more than that I want to learn something new. I want to be organized and creative and productive. I want to work and create and redefine me.

I want to be a midwife, a social worker, an acupuncturist, a real estate agent. I want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a psychologist, a counselor. I want to run a restaurant. I want to own a restaurant. I want to plan parties and galas and fund raisers. I want to do charity work. I want to be everywhere and anywhere.

I want to write a book and then another book and then another......

My brain is flooded with desire and ideas and all of a sudden I have time for things that are just for me. Back then, all those years ago, this is what I thought I would want for myself. I thought I wanted a family and then a career.

And now? Well now I still want it. Actually, I want it more than I ever have. My life experience, my maturity, all the things I have learned, been through and discovered by past years has led me to this place...............